change, Emotions

What am I Leaving Behind

A shiver down the spine, a jerk on his leg and gasping for breath, he got up from his bed. The clock stuck three at midnight. Avikash wanted to pour his heart out to Martha; trying not to startle her in her sleep, he leaned in and whispered softly in her ear. ‘No movement…’ Silence! Avikash himself was not able to hear his voice. Instead, he heard voices calling his name and blurry faces surrounding him.

He wanted to scream. He opened his mouth to give a shrill but NOTHING. Taken aback, he got up hastily from his bed. And to the horrors of his life, Avikash saw himself lying next to Martha, all cuddled up in the tender way as they had fallen asleep a few hours back. It was all dark and doomed. He could not understand what was happening.

The voices were getting louder and the faces approached nearer. A hand on Avikash’s shoulder jolted him. It was a soldier. On giving another look, he recognized it was his neighbour who died few months back in a terrorist encounter. Though, as unappreciative as Avikash could have been to him, yet the soldier gave a sympathetic look to Avikash. Avikash felt a surge of guilt as he saw pain in those pair of eyes. The soldier just took a step forward and said, “Don’t be Sorry. If you would have appreciated the little gestures and been kind to others, the story of your after life would have been different. Valour, name, a sense of pride and satisfaction is what I did leave for the world. But what have you left? ” The sympathetic look was replaced with a crocked smile on the soldier’s face.

Waves of emotions were pounding and flashes of the past took over Avikash’s mind. The petty fights with friends, the pinch of envy towards colleagues, the spicy rumors spread under someone else’s name, all seemed to weigh the heaviest and with every memory haunting, he felt an evitable need to mend all that was wrong on his part.

How desperate and helpless Avikash was. For the first time ever did he ponder, for what has he been running after his entire life? For once he wanted to talk to his mother, lay his head in her lap and be carefree for a while. For once he wanted to sit and chat with his father. A moment of love he craved to spend with Martha, to let her know that she meant the world to him. Another trip with his friends is what he desired to cherish their bond.

Aghast… All in vain!

In the desperation to climb the success ladder, he had missed a lot that deserved his attention. A chance was all what he needed…

What am I leaving behind, when I am done here!?” is what Avikash was repeatedly muttering when Martha woke him up. Shocked as well as glad by the touch and hearing the voice of Martha, Avikash got up and hugged her like never before. A tear escaped from their eyes. It was after ages that Martha felt she had found him back.

With the experience that Avikash had, he, all of a sudden was a changed being. The importance of living the moment and appreciating it had swept him. All that mattered now.

Kriti Gohal | PGDM 2016-18

Kriti Gohal